Skinny is not perfection
by unfinished4now99
Summary: Nathan is Anorexic/Bulimic Warnings- E.D.'s Self torture and minorly graphic scenes.


Nath is anorexic/bulimic and the boys find out

NathanTheWanted: Hey fattso! Why are you even in the band? They don't need you!

Nathan glanced at the tweet. He wasn't fat… Not really. He pinched his stomach and his eyes widened a bit when he came up with a bit of "Fat." He didn't do anything about it. He just thought "I'll exercise more."

NathanTheWanted: Go kill yourself you fat worthless pig!

When he read the tweet his heart sank. He looked back down at the "fat" He skipped his first meal that night.

It consumed him. How fat, how stupid, how disgusting he was. He was none of that, but he truly thought he was. It escalated. Quickly. At first it was no lunch. Then it was eating nothing. Then it became him throwing up his lunches. Then eating nothing, but a small breakfast. Nathan hid it well. It seemed nobody could notice, and most of the time… nobody notices. But Nathan lived with 4 other people…. Really hard to keep secrets from your best friends/band mates/ brothers right? Exactly. It confused them when Nathan would say "Oh… I already ate." And run off to do who knows what.

It was Siva who caught Nathan throwing up the first time. It had been a long day and every member of The Wanted swore they hadn't seen Nathan eat a single thing. So they told Siva to check and make sure he was okay. he did not expect to came and see Nathan with his finger clear down his throat, throwing up the small apple he ate for breakfast.

"Nathan!" Siva said running over to the lad and yanking his finger from his mouth.

Nathan's eyes widened. Siva stared into Nathan's green eyes and all he saw was pure fear. Siva still had Nathan's wrist gripped in his hand. "What on earth did I just see?" Siva asked Nathan.

"I-I-I…" Nathan couldn't even speak.

"Boy-"

He was quickly cut off by Nathan covering his mouth. "No… Siva! No! please don't tell! No… No please…." Nathan was babbling Siva pulled Nathan's hand away and yelled, "Boys!"

Nathan visibly paled. "No…" He muttered.

He heard the boys running up the stairs quickly. "Nathan? Siva? What's going on?"

"Nathan here was throwing up… on purpose." Siva said.

Nathan shrank down into the wall looking even smaller then before. "Wha… What?" Jay asked his eyes wide.

"It… It's not what you think!" Nathan said quickly.

"Oh it's not is it?" Tom asked his arms crossed. He couldn't help the anger building in his chest. How could Nathan do this to them… to himself?

"No." Nathan said shaking his head furiously.

"Then what is it?" Siva asked.

"I wasn't feeling well…" He looked around at their disbelieving glances and he felt his heart being squeezed. "So I took some pills and forgot I took them and took more… and then I realized my mistake and threw them up." Nathan tried to swallow the lump in his throat and tried to sound convincing.

Siva raised an eyebrow. "Why didn't you tell me that from the start?"

"I uh… You wouldn't let me."

"Sorry Nath." Siva said gullibley.

"It's alright." Nathan said feeling relief flood through them. All the boys believed Nathan's story except Max. He knew deep down the kid was lying… and he would just have to catch him at the right moment.

Nathan's pattern continued. He kept skipping the meals, but was more discreet about it. He would "eat" the food, but really it was just slipped into a napkin. He made sure to lock the doors when he was throwing up his food. Nathan didn't know how to stop. "When I get to the perfect weight." Ha! Perfect weight? at first it was 120 then 110 then 99…. now he didn't know the perfect weight. Maybe the perfect weight was nothing. Maybe he needed to loose and loose weight till he was nothing. Merely bones. Maybe that was what was needed. Just slowly go away. Max, thank heavens, noticed. He watched Nathan on the scales. He saw him loosing weight faster than any normal human. He saw Nathan's face drop when somebody made a joke about his weight or he saw some idiot hating on him on twitter. Max saw it all. He was almost certain what Nathan was doing. He just didn't know how to approach him about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Nathan!" Jay called.

"yea?" Nathan said thumping down the stairs wearing a thick sweatshirt even though it was warm outside.

Jay frowned. "It's warm out Nath…"

"I'm cold." He stated simply.

Jay frowned even more. "You getting sick?"

"Maybe." Nathan said quickly brushing past him.

Nathan came into the flat panting. He had just finished running 5 miles without stopping. He ran over to the small treadmill and began to run on that as well. "Nathan?" Siva asked his voice worried.

"H-Huh?" Nathan gasped out as he kept running. Loose it. Loose the weight. Loose it. You need to you big fattie. He told himself. Siva stared at Nathan who was panting on the treadmill. What? Why?

"Nathan hurry up in there!" Tom called knocking on the door to the bathroom.

Nathan was quick to pull the finger out of his throat. "Coming!" Nathan called hoarsely. Tom frowned on hearing the youngers voice. Was he okay? Nathan quickly brushed his teeth and opened the door for a worried Tom.

"You getting sick Nath?"

"Maybe." He replied, because truth was Nathan was sick. REALLY sick.

Nathan sat at the table "eating" with the rest of the boys. He had only had a couple bites of salad. He was squirming in his seat. He needed to go throw it up. He had never had an urge this bad before. Never. He licked his dry and cracked lips and took a sip of water. No calories, no worries.

"Not hungry Nath?" Tom asked turning to Nathan.

"Nah." Nathan said. He felt like his throat began to swell. He jumped up quickly and ran into the restroom. He threw open the toilet and was throwing up. Blood. He had thrown up blood as well as the little salad he had eaten.

"Nathan?" Jay called, walking into the bathroom.

Nathan gagged some more. His coughing escalated. Blood and vomit dripped from his lips and tears leaked from his eyes. Jay walked in and saw Nathan he dropped on his knees. "Nathan! Oh my gosh…. what happened?"

"I…" Nathan coughed. "I don't know." His voice hurt. He could barely talk. He felt dizzy. He was sweating and shivering.

"Here Nath, let's get you home." Jay said softly helping the boy up. Jay put his arm around him and they walked back to the table.

"Nath's sick." Jay said and the boys were soon on their way back to their flat. When they got there they prepared the couch for him and layed him down. Nathan shivered despite the sweat dripping from his back. Max began to pull off his sweatshirt.

Nathan tried to pull away, but being in his weak state Max won. He slid the sweatshirt off the lad and gasps were heard all around.

"Oh… Nathan…" Tom whispered.

Nathan was so skinny so… so very, very tiny. Way to skinny, way to tiny. He looked ready to shrink into the couch.

"Nathan, this is not good. Not at all good." Jay said his voice ready to crack.

Nathan bolted up, feeling the same swelling in his throat and he leaned over the toilet coughing up more blood, but this time only blood. "Call the hospital!" Jay cried. "C'mon Lil' Nath." He said softly picking the boy up. He carried him to the car and they drove off to the hospital. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Family and friends for Nathan Sykes?" A pleasant female voice asked.

The boys jumped up instantly from the waiting room. "That's us." Tom said quickly.

The lady gave them a small smile. "Nathan was malnourished. He wasn't eating enough and was throwing up whatever he did eat. He can't hold anything down really, so he must have eaten more than usual because his body couldn't handle it all. We have him on a feeding tube, because that is the only way he will hold nutrients down. He struggled when we were getting the feeding tube down so we had to restrain and sedate him. He is aware of his surroundings, but unable to move or speak, due to the sedatives and feeding tube. You might want to put rehab- whether willingly or you commit him- on your lists. He isn't going to get better just on his own."

The boys faces were heartbreaking. How did they not notice? Their own little brother was struggling and they didn't even notice. "Can… Can we see him?" Tom asked hesitantly trying not to cry.

"Yes you can." the nurse said giving them a soft smile.

She led them down the hallways. Tom shivered. He hated hospitals. The empty hallways, the noises. The nurse soon reached a room and she opened it.

"He's in a fragile state." She murmured to the boys.

They nodded and turned to see Nathan. The site broke their hearts. He was laying down on the hospital bed. His eyes were open and he looked broken. A tube was slipped down his throat. An I.V. drip was in his wrist and another was in his elbow. The boys noticed restraints down on his ankles, upper thighs, arms and wrists. It was obvious he had been crying by the tear stains on his cheeks and the redness in his sad green eyes. Jay was the first to run over. Jay pulled Nathan in a hug, wary of the I.V.'s and restraints and whispered stuff in his ear like "It's going to be okay Nathan." And "We love you so much lil' Nath."

Jay aware that he was crying. Jay pulled away and wiped his own eyes and kissed his little brothers head. The rest joined Jay. They were so glad he was alive. So glad they had finally caught him. So very, very glad, but also depressingly sad. How does something like this go so unnoticed. "You're getting help. Whether you like it or not." Tom said sternly, trying to not let his voice break.

He wanted to drive his point home. He wanted to make sure Nathan knew that he was going to get better. Nathan needed to get that. The rest of the lads nodded in agreement. "You scared us all to death mate." Max said tugging his ear lightly.

Nathan looked so vulnerable… so broken. It was horrible. They stayed in his room for the night. They couldn't sleep. Nathan had to… It was almost forced upon him. They knew when he woke up he would be able to respond to them… not talk, but he would be able to move and show expression. They weren't sure how they felt about that. They didn't know what they were supposed to feel.

"is there any way you can take the feeding tube out?" Tom asked softly wary of waking up his band mates who deserved sleep.

"We could move it to his stomach… but there is a high risk of him just taking it out."

"Keep him restrained then. We need to talk to him!" Tom said.

"Alright." the doctor said sighing.

"When can he leave?"

"Once his body is able to take food by mouth without it being forced down. After he leaves we recommend rehab immediately. Most patients who go home right away come right back, because they slip right back into their old ways. Sometimes they even die." Tom nodded.

"How'd we miss it?" He muttered.

"He hid it well." the doctor said. "Most do."

Tom nodded again feeling his heart wrench. This was his best mate laying on that bed. Never did he ever think he would have to see this happen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We swear we are only sending you there to help you." Jay said looking into Nathan's eyes. They held anger and sadness. A bunch of hurt and pain, though. If you looked carefully though… you would see guilt.

"No. No… I'm fine. I'm just fine. I don't need to go to rehab. Nuh Uh." Nathan said his voice hoarse from the feeding tube being taken out. He tried to keep his lip from trembling. He didn't want to cry. He secretly tried one more time to pull off the restraints. Why couldn't they take the dang things off?

"You're not fine Nathan! You had to go to the hospital! That waves about fifty darn red flags in our face!" Tom said his voice rising. "If need be we will force you into rehab! You are not fine! You never were!"

"You can't force me to do anything!" Nathan said his voice rising as well.

"Your mum can though. She can have you committed and we agree that maybe-"

"Shut up Tom! No! I'm not going to rehab! I don't need help! I don't want help! They'll make me gain weight! I can't gain weight! I need to loose more-" Nathan stopped himself quickly his eyes widened. He looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"That's why you need to go to rehab." Siva said softly. "You are just going to loose weight until there is nothing left."

"No! I won't! I promise I won't try! Just don't send…" Nathan's voice caught in his throat as he choked on his words. He bit his lip to keep in a sob. He was not going to cry, no. He couldn't. "Don't send me away."

All their faces softened. "We aren't sending you away for good, just till we can get you better. We can't do that on our own, mate. This is too serious." Max said.

"It's not… I can do it myself. I won't do what I did anymore. I promise. I'll gain-" Nathan almost threw up at the thought. "I'll gain more weight."

"We're not taking no for an answer." Tom said.

"Please!" Nathan cried out, his voice breaking. He swallowed down a cry and blinked away tears. He was never this desperate. Never. Nobody ever thought they would hear Nathan plead.

"No. Nathan." Siva said, surprisingly being the stern one. Nathan felt a tear slip down his cheek. He tried to wipe it away, but the restraints kept him from even doing that. "Darn it." He muttered as more began to fall from his eyes.

"Awh Nath…" Jay said said wiping the tears away and hugging him tightly. "We're going to be here mate, we promise."

The rest of the boys nodded in agreement and joined the hug.

Nathan fiddled with his sleeve as he looked out the window. They we're driving to some dumb mental hospital. There was no going back. He was ripping apart the end of his sleeve he was so nervous. His eyes filled with tears again as he thought about where he was going. He would walk in the hospital and they would strip him down and look him over. Look over each scar, each part of him write it all down. Then he would be put in some stupid white clothes with no zippers, buttons or anything. Bland and blinding white. Then they would weigh him and mark down the fatty weight and slip a bracelet on his wrist. He would be put in a white room and they would force him to "recover." He wouldn't be allowed to over- exercise, purge or skip meals. Nathan furiously scrubbed at his eyes and felt a hand squeeze his shoulder.

"It's for your own good, Nathan." Siva said gently. Nathan nodded his vision blurred with tears. Siva wrapped his arm around the lad's shoulder.

"It's going to be okay Nathan, I promise. We'll come see you after a bit." Siva said. Nathan nodded again, though much less robotically this time. He buried his head in the crook of Siva's neck. Hot tears slid down his face and Siva rubbed his back soothingly.

"Please don't make me go." Nathan whispered, knowing full well they no matter what were going to make him go.

"We have to Nath." Siva said soothingly.

Max reached across the two and tugged Nathan's ear comfortingly. "We love you, mate. That's why we're doing this." Max said.

Nathan nodded. "We're here!" Tom said as they pulled in. Nathan's heart dropped to his stomach. This was it. This is where he has to say good bye. This is where he is going to gain back all the fat he worked so hard to get rid of. This is where he will go back to being fat and ugly. This is where all the hate will come back. This is where rumors and-

"Nathan, C'mon. Let's go." Tom said.

He wanted to run away, but what good would that do him? He would be running from his life and no matter what he was not gonna do that. He drug his feet, letting them scrape the ground. He didn't want to go, but He refused to have to be drug in like a child. They entered the building and Nathan's anxiety was climbing.

"We'll help you register then you can get… settled. We'll come visit you after about a month." Max said.

Nathan nodded again. He fiddled with his fingers as he heard them talking to the man at the receptionist desk. He was soon saying goodbye to the boys, holding in his tears and being whisked off to "get settled" Boy he did not want to get settled.

*One Month later*

"Nathan!" Jay said dramatically as he flew into a hug.

Nathan smiled a little, happy to finally see his best mates. "You are looking better." He said in his ear hugging the lad tighter.

Siva, Max and Tom came over saying their hellos and hugging him. Nathan smiled as he hugged them. He really missed them.

"I missed you lot." Nathan said.

"We missed you too." Max said giving his ear a tug.

Tom ruffled his hair. "It's just not the same without you around." Siva said.

"When do I get to come back?" Nathan asked his eyes hopeful.

"When they release you… when you get better." Jay said sitting down next to him.

"I am better." Nathan said, but truth was… he wasn't. He desperately wanted to get rid of the weight he had gained… and they all knew if he was released he would just go off and do what he used to.

"Not quite." Siva said softly.

Nathan sighed, but didn't let it keep him from talking to the boys. He changed the subject quickly and they talked for a while about absolutely nothing important. He felt better just seeing them and talking to them. He definitely missed them.

*Three Months Later*

"Just sign right here at the bottom." The man said as he handed Nathan his release forms.

Nathan saw his mum's name signed at the bottom just below where he was to sign. He drew the pen across the line putting his name down quickly and carefully. He was ready to go, to leave this place. Nathan opened the doors to the building and as soon as the air touched his face he smiled. He waled down the sidewalk, just waiting for the boys to pull up. He didn't have to wait long because soon they were pulling up.

Nathan practically flew into the car and jumped on top of them all, hugging them tightly. He reminded them all of a little boy, exited to see his parents after a long day of school. "Hey Nathan!" Tom said grabbing him and pulling him a hug.

"I'm better Tom! I'm finally better." Nathan said proudly.

"Yes, and we are so proud of you Nath." Tom said ruffling his little brothers hair as Nathan sat down in the seat. They drove down the road back to their flat, happy to have Nathan back.

It was hard for Nathan. Even though he was better he did have slip ups, where he didn't want to eat because he was scared. So he would make sure he was eating with one of the boys at least, because when he ate with them he forgot all about being "fat." Sometimes he wanted to just stick his finger down his throat and get rid of it, but then he remembered the blood in the toilet That Night. He didn't want that again. He wanted to get better, and better he got. He realized he was not fat. What he was doing was un healthy. Nathan got better. And he went back to being Nathan Sykes, with the help of three certain boys of course.


End file.
